At the heart of Gentle Teaching is an assumption that people who have an intellectual disability, and who exhibit severe behaviour problems, have not developed bonding, i.e. "mutual ties of affection resulting in the positive value of human presence, participation and reward". This can be seen as parallel to a complete failure to meet the needs of 'love and belonging' in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Bonding, or the feeling of being a loved and worthwhile member of a family or group, is seen as essential for learning of socially desirable behaviours. Such learning proceeds through 3 phases - learning the value of:

1. HUMAN PRESENCE - this is the antecedent of all behaviour. We need to learn that human presence signals safety, security & reward, not frustration, punishment or threat.

2. HUMAN PARTICIPATION & INTERACTION - this is the actual behaviour necessary to learn that reward is the result of our behaviours with other people, that by participating and interacting we gain a sense of pleasure, and a belief in the mutual value of people.

3. HUMAN REWARD - the sense of pleasure from being in contact with others. This is (or should be) the result of the majority of all our interactions. It is certainly the motivation for social beings to interact. A second key assumption is that all teaching, learning and behaviour change is a mutual and reciprocal phenomenon i.e. behaviour change is not something to be done to somebody,it is something we attempt to do with somebody. It is a two-way affair that can either strengthen our humanity, or weaken it.

Gentle teaching states that the care-giver receives personal benefits (including greater job satisfaction) from assisting a person with challenging behaviours in their emotional development.